"he is a truly bad man, an evil person, i can tell now from everything i see in him & i see it now all the time, the way he touched me or the face he makes when i'm frightened or sad, even the way he says my name is bad all over. i never should've told him the pet-name i loved so much, or used to; the way his mouth abuses it, i'll never feel comforted by it, not ever again. it has his spit all over it now. rotten breath. like a sweet thing that's been rolling in the dirty ground, just stained in cigarette ashes & fallen eyelashes & midnight sins & filth. piece of cotton candy melted in a mouth & thrown up into the bottom of a toilet, then the sewer. flushed & mixed into the endless waste. i swear i'll never forgive him, i swear. if or when you find my body, look for him. if you find i'm missing & see this, i am sure it was him. the bad man must've found me, but i hope he never finds this note."
i know he isn't near me now, i haven't been as afraid for a while & i don't feel like i'm going to die soon anymore. but i found this note tucked under a foot of a bed in a place i was sure to become my last-seen location. if he exists still, i hope he is taken away soon. if not by me, maybe another girl fallen under, a survivor in heaven, or a ditch he left his scent in, or by a sudden, painless death. i can tell i was intoxicated when i wrote that ridiculous "last note". he'd always find them when they were helpless. i could tell he's broken & he needs to make things more broken than he is.

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my mother is a beautiful angel she knows heaven on the inside like organs do she is made of red light  & white noise flowerbed in a pool of dried up blood eyes that have seen more than God
my mother is love at winter-time my mother is the coldness that tries to get in she's the force that makes your teeth fall out because you wanted to see the tooth fairy she is the colors you see when you rub your eyes
my mother is the colors she is the color that disappears first when your bruise starts to heal she's the color of never forgetting for real she's the color of your lips when they find your body in the ditch when it's so cold & you can't move but you can hear what's happening & the paramedics' arms makes you think about how it would be if she would just hold you again